5 lessons humans can learn from dogs

 I’ve never really considered myself a dog person, probably because I didn’t have one as a child. Recently, I became a dog owner for the first time. His name is Bobby, and needless to say, I’ve grown very fond of him.

Owning a dog has allowed me to see them in a different light, and reinforced some important life lessons. There are five key lessons from Bobby I’d like to share:

1. The power of reciprocation

We are hard-wired to reciprocate. If you scratch my back I’ll scratch yours. If you acknowledge me, I’m more likely to acknowledge you and so on. Dogs recognise this in spades.

Bobby is always pleased to see me. He’s particularly fond of licking my face. I can ignore his advances for a while but no amount of rejection seems to put Bobby off. He knows I’m a soft touch and will soon succumb.

Bobby understands better than any human I know that his affection will be paid back many times over. Basically, Bobby gets what he wants because he decided from the get go that he likes me. 

Peter Kaufman, the CEO of Glenair and author of Poor Charlie’s Almanack, noted the same thing in his wonderful speech on multidisciplinary thinking:

“Now I’m going to tell you the strategy that dogs use. The dog is going to be very unhappy with me for telling you this. I’m ratting them out. So when your dog is in the backyard and he goes to the fence between your house and the next house and he talks to the dog next door, I’m going to tell you what he says. No one has ever divulged this before. You’re the first group to hear this. Your dog says to the dog next door, ‘Can you believe how easy it is to manipulate human beings and get them to do whatever you want them to do for you?’ And the dog next door goes, ‘I know it’s a piece of cake.’ And your dog says ‘Yeah. All you have to do is every single time they come home, you greet them at the door with the biggest unconditional show of attention that they’ve ever gotten in their whole life. And you only have to do it for like 15 seconds, and then you can go back to doing whatever you were doing before and completely ignore them for the rest of the evening.’

However, you do have to do this every single time they come home. And what will the person do? They’ll take care of them. They’ll do anything for this dog. OK? Now do you think that this woman feels she’s being paid attention to? And listened to? And respected? Do you think she’s getting meaning, satisfaction, and fulfillment? Do you think she matters to this dog? And do you think she thinks this dog loves her? And what does the dog get in return? Everything.

All you have to do, if you want everything in life from everybody else, is first pay attention, listen to them, show them respect, give them meaning, satisfaction, and fulfillment. Convey to them that they matter to you. And show you love them. But you have to go first. And what are you going to get back. Mirrored reciprocation.”

Peter Kaufman

One of the most intelligent things I’ve heard came from this Kaufman speech – “All you have to do is go positive, go first, be patient.” It works 95% of the time. Which is more than enough to mean we should all try to apply this lesson. The alternative – living in fear of rejection – will lead to an unfulfilling life.

2. Being present

What’s the most important thing in the world?

I don’t know, but thankfully Bobby does.

The most important thing is whatever Bobby is doing at any particular moment. Whether it’s eating, playing ball, or licking my face. He gives it his full attention. He doesn’t worry about what went on in the past or what will come in the future. He enjoys the moment.

Wouldn’t life be so much better if we thought a bit more like this, instead of always looking at our phones and worrying about what’s next? I know mine would.

Learning to be more present is one of the surest ways psychologists have found to enhance happiness and life satisfaction. By embracing the moment and noticing those little things you previously ignored, you’ll become more grateful for what you have, and start worrying less about the things you don’t.

3. Simple pleasures

Bobby has very simple needs and wants. Beyond food, water, shelter and a daily walk, he craves almost nothing. He’s satisfied with his lot. 

Human beings seem to have difficulty with this. We tend to associate material possessions with happiness and struggle to find contentment. We’re constantly comparing ourselves to others and upgrading our lifestyle expectations. We’re hard-wired for active dissatisfaction and the finish line is always moving.

According to Seneca, the Roman philosopher, the solution is to become more like Bobby. We should try to lower our expectations and be grateful for what we have:

“True happiness is to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future, not to amuse ourselves with either hopes or fears but to rest satisfied with what we have, which is sufficient, for he that is so wants nothing. The greatest blessings of mankind are within us and within our reach. A wise man is content with his lot, whatever it may be, without wishing for what he has not.”

“It is not the man who has too little, but the man who craves more, that is poor.”

Seneca

4. The importance of sleep

Bobby is a wonderful sleeper. On average he gets more than double the amount of sleep as I do. It makes me very jealous but I only have myself to blame.

Unlike Bobby, I set an alarm to wake me up early. I look at screens and other devices at night making it harder to nod off. A few evenings a week I pour toxins into my body (alcohol) which guarantees me a disrupted night’s sleep. And unlike Bobby I hardly ever nap, even if I’m feeling tired, because my day is far too important to waste sleeping!  

Humans are the only species I know of to deliberately deprive themselves of sleep for no apparent gain. It’s a shame because sleep is just about the most important thing we do.

Without enough of it (at least 7 hours a night for most of us), our health and relationships suffer. Just one hour of lost sleep can have grave consequences – incidents of heart attacks, strokes, and fatal car accidents all increase the day after the clocks go forward.

I strongly recommend Mathew Walker’s research on sleep. He’s one of the world’s leading sleep experts and has done numerous talks and podcasts. This 19-minute TED talk is a good place to start. The first thing I did after watching it was set my alarm twenty minutes later and shorten my morning routine.

5. Having fun

Bobby is a very playful dog and knows better than anyone how to have fun. I’m often sat in front of the computer, and get that look from Bobby that says – ‘What on earth are you doing that could be so important? Come and play!’

We all have a tendency to take ourselves too seriously at times. Some stuff is worth taking seriously. But not much in life is all that important beyond the obvious. Yet it’s the little things that often seem to irk us most, like bad driving or a stock price decline. We then compound this with a tendency to stew. 

I think we should all try and take a leaf out of Bobby’s book and learn to let our hair down a bit more. Rest, recuperation and play are not just good for dogs. They’re vital components of human life and improve our health, relationships, and the quality of our work. 

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