How Can We Make Lasting Changes In Our Lives?

There are many approaches to change in the world of psychology, but a robust research literature suggests that these ultimately work for similar reasons. For instance, the quality of the relationship between the helper and the person seeking help accounts for a surprising amount of the change that occurs. The big takeaway from this work is that how techniques are implemented is every bit as important as what those techniques are.
When we attempt to make changes in our lives, whether it’s losing weight, improving our relationships, or becoming more productive, our tendency is to turn to self-help techniques. Not uncommonly, we try these techniques and see only modest results, leading us to backslide and return to where we started. For example, this is very common among the newer traders I encounter as a performance coach. They bounce from one method of trading financial markets to another, ultimately failing to climb the ladder of expertise.
A look at research in psychotherapy finds that change indeed occurs among a majority of people seeking help, but that change requires a significant number of sessions, often more than 20. Yes, brief therapies have been found to be effective, but even in those cases we commonly find sessions spread over time to allow for changes to be rehearsed and internalized. Without repetition and time, the results of our efforts at change too often fall into relapse.
A great example of how we can make lasting changes is Alcoholics Anonymous. In A.A., the primary emphasis is not on change techniques per se, but on consistent meetings over time with the guidance and support of the group and sponsors. When I worked in a community mental health center, it was common for people seeking treatment for alcohol-related concerns to attend 90 meetings in 90 days. “Bring the body and the mind will come”, was the A.A. slogan. Addiction problems are notoriously susceptible to relapse. The key effective ingredient of change was the frequent repetition of emotionally-impactful experiences. Doing the same things the same way with meaningful impact creates new and lasting habit patterns. This is an important common effective ingredient of change.

So what does this mean for those of us seeking changes in our lives?
A deceptively simple formula for making changes in our lives is to begin change efforts by making very small, doable changes the same way each day and in novel states of mind and body. This is a very powerful principle.

Whether it’s in traditional therapy or self-help such as A.A., change efforts occur when we are in modes of experiencing different from our norm. In therapy or in a group, we are socially connected and more emotionally connected. We enter states of consciousness very different from our norms. As a rule, in our habitual states of mind and body, we gravitate to our habitual thoughts and behaviors. That is relapse. If we’re looking to make changes, we want to anchor those changes to fresh cognitive and emotional states. It is the consistency of our anchoring efforts that allows us to internalize changes and make them part of us.
Here’s a practical example:
Mike Bellafiore of SMB Capital and I recently spoke with members of the BearBull Trading Community, many of whom are developing traders of financial markets. A common concern of these traders is that they become so caught up in profits and losses that they fail to follow their own trading rules and plans. This leads to inconsistent decision-making and little progress on the ladder of development. An idea that we explored in our discussion was making the “discipline” process a social one by sharing best practices, establishing teams within the community, and making ourselves accountable to people we care about—not unlike A.A. This taps into wholly new sources of motivation and mind states, as the social connection adds a fresh sense of commitment to change efforts. Anchoring developmental efforts to teamwork and social support transforms every team meeting into experiences of insight and inspiration with everyone acting as teacher and student.
But even such anchoring only works if change is pursued one small step at a time, with each change undertaken in the same way at the same time each day. Changes in our states of consciousness can open us to change, but it is repetition and the internalization of success experiences that creates new habits. As Charles Duhigg explains, there is a science of habit that can change behavior in radical ways through seemingly small shifts in our environment and in our physical states. When we join in teams, sharing ideas and reviewing performance each and every day, the change process literally becomes part of us. As we see with very successful traders, we make quantum leaps in our performance and sizable life changes by climbing the ladder one consistent step at a time, in fresh mindsets that energize our ascent.
https://www.forbes.com/sites/brettsteenbarger/2020/04/30/how-can-we-make-lasting-changes-in-our-lives/#adb0a7519d9a