Progressives are embracing polyamory and making it political

I’ll admit it. I have found myself reading the occasional memoir by women who’ve decided to give polyamory a try. 

(I blame it on the intrinsic curiosity that made me choose this particular vocation.) 

What fascinates me most, however, is not the practice of so-called ethical nonmonogamy itself, but rather how it’s become a symbol of liberal enlightenment. Several cities (on the coasts) have even passed legal protections for polyamory. 

A great example of this polyamory enlightenment can be found in writer Lindy West’s latest memoir “Adult Braces,” which released on March 10. West is probably best known for her former memoir, “Shrill,” that was turned into a Hulu series. 

In “Adult Braces,” West embarks on a solo road trip in a van from her home in Washington state to Florida and back. On this journey, she is attempting to come to grips with the fact that her husband, Ahamefule Oluo, has gotten himself a girlfriend, Roya. 

West tells her readers Aham was always honest with her about the fact that he didn’t believe in monogamy. She just didn’t think he’d actually act on it. 

Until he did.   

Spoiler alert: By the time West returns home, after plenty of tears and self-loathing, she’s worked diligently to convince her readers (and herself) that she is totally fine with going from a couple to a cozy throuple.

Is wanting monogamy 'colonization'? Lindy West thinks so. 

Coming to terms with polyamory wasn’t just an emotional journey for West, however. It was a political one. 

“Being cool about polyamory felt like a growing imperative in progressive circles,” she writes about first agreeing to an open relationship (in theory) with her husband. 

She doubled down on this idea in a recent interview with the The New York Times’ “Modern Love” podcast. 

“It felt like everyone was supposed to do it, or else you were like a prude and a pioneer woman,” West said. 

Even worse, she seems to convince herself that monogamy may be a form of colonization. Aham (who’s Black) had told West that he thought monogamy was rooted in a system of ownership, she writes. 

And as West traverses the middle of the country, it seems that she is making a point of calling out “conservatives” as fearful, closed-minded rubes who would never be as cool and open to polyamory – like she is. 

Underlying all of this is West’s attempt to use her brand of coastal liberalism to justify a lifestyle she was inherently reluctant to embrace. 

Of course, she’s not alone in this rather uncomfortable mind game. There's a number of books, articles and cultural commentary pushing the idea that this unconventional lifestyle is actually perfectly normal. 

For instance, a piece in New York Magazine’s The Cut titled, “Could Opening Your Marriage Lighten Your Mental Load?,” purports that “for some moms, non-monogamy is a way to reclaim more than just their sex drive.”

Alrighty then. 

Some cities are passing polyamory protections. Is this really necessary? 

I’m from the Pacific Northwest, so I closely follow what’s going on in my home state of Oregon and nearby places.

Recently, the Olympia, Washington, City Council voted unanimously to add “diverse family and relationship structures” to the city’s anti-discrimination law and to its unfair housing practices law. This makes Olympia the first city in Washington to explicitly protect polyamorous people in law. 

Not to be left out, the Portland City Council also passed similar legal protections in March. 

“Nobody should fear that who they care for could jeopardize their job, their housing, or their ability to live in public as their authentic selves,” said council member Tiffany Koyama Lane, a sponsor of the legislation.

Several other coastal cities – including Oakland, California, and Cambridge, Massachusetts – have passed these provisions.

This seems like a strange priority for West Coast cities like Portland that can’t get glaring problems like homelessness under control. But I digress. 

I’m all for people living as their “authentic selves.” People are always going to live how they like. 

I just don’t think we need progressives trying to convince us that polyamory is normal.

Ingrid Jacques is a columnist at USA TODAY.

https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/columnist/2026/03/30/lindy-west-adult-braces-polyamory/89333127007/