by Michael Mink
Effective communication requires you to balance sharing your feelings with remaining stoic. Striking the right mix takes practice.
Traditionally in business, we warn people about oversharing, said Leslie John, a Harvard Business School professor who has consulted for Meta Platforms (META) and JPMorgan Chase (JPM) among others.
"But almost no one talks about the risks of undersharing by saying too little," she said.
No one is arguing that blurting out everything on your mind is wise, John said. But, "what we often label as oversharing is simply sharing — revealing something real, even slightly imperfect, about ourselves."
Oversharing Can Increase Your Influence
The cost of undersharing is tangible, John says. It manifests itself in missed opportunities to build trust, stalled influence and weakened relationships.
Silence can feel safe, she adds, yet often it is not.
"When done thoughtfully, revealing and oversharing often increases trust rather than undermining it," she said.
John says numerous studies have found that when leaders voluntarily share a personal vulnerability, "their employees trust them more, and are more motivated to work for them."
Showing vulnerabilities or a weakness can humanize a leader and make him more relatable.
Read The Room For Effective Communication
There isn't a fixed line between sharing "too much" and "too little" information. "The key is that context and your audience matters," John, the author of "Revealing," says.
"In study after study, people assume that even small admissions, such as saying 'I get nervous before big presentations,' will damage competence,'" she said. "They typically don't."
Only more extreme disclosures reduced perceived competence, and even then, the negative effect was modest, she said.
The bottom line is, in practice "leaders tend to have more room for thoughtful candor than they think," John said.
Connect With Your Audience
For a more successful open to a presentation, include your perspective or an anecdote as to why your topic is important to you, says Deborah Shames. She's the cofounder of Eloqui, a presentation and communication training company.
In some instances, you might think that including your perspective is oversharing but it isn't.
"Even though the more traditional way to open is to only use 'we' as opposed to 'I' statements, hearing why a presentation is important to the speaker draws the audience in," she said. "It also reduces anxiety for the speaker."
Personal stories create a rapport with the audience. A sales trainer who reveals that she was so shy as a kid that she couldn't express herself verbally resonates with an audience — especially after talking about how she overcame the fear.
Revealing wisely isn't always about baring your soul. "It's about being intentional, and recognizing that thoughtful openness can be an advantage," John said.
Oversharing Can Improve Your Hiring And Career Outcomes
Among highly qualified job candidates, those who are more authentic have an advantage, John said.
"Those who share a little of themselves in their interview, instead of canned or scripted-sounding responses, are more likely to receive offers," John's research found.
Revealing a bit more also gives you better information, she explains. Hiring is not a one-way street anymore. "You're not just presenting yourself; you're observing how others respond," John said. "This helps you determine if this company is a fit for you."
Oversharing Can Prevent Audience Boredom
In a presentation, you can't solely rely on stats or robotic PowerPoint presentations to mask a lack of relatability, Shames said.
Audiences make decisions based on shared values or emotions. Speakers need to add that to enhance credibility, even at the risk of thinking they are oversharing.
Speakers can filter what they say about their feelings so audiences will know why they are telling a personal story. Once that question is answered, the concern about oversharing subsides.
Shames shares that a financial advisor she works with is an effective networker. When he gives a 60 second elevator speech, he will often tell the story of how as a teenager, his father lost his job and the family had to live out of their car for six months.
"This deeply influenced him," Shames said. "He made a decision to become a financial advisor and make sure that would never happen to his clients."
Keep Perspective On Oversharing With Effective Communication
John says most people would benefit from being a little more open, more often — at work, at home and in leadership.
"We fixate on the cringe of saying too much," she said. "Revealing isn't about saying everything — it's about saying what matters."
